My Mommy is in Heaven with Jesus

October 8, 2009

Miss Kim ran out to the car and asked, “What does Linen think when she hears other kids talking about their mommy?” “The other kids were sitting around saying, ‘My mommy (this)’ ‘My mommy (that)’ and Linen was just listening for a while and she finally said; “My mommy is in heaven with Jesus.”

This hurts. I wish I knew how a two year old processes a statement like this. I’m not sure if Linen actually feels hurt over not having a mommy (in the way kids ‘have’ a mommy). She has, on a few occasions, declared, “I need my mommy.” I hurt for her and that is worse than any pain that I have personally endured because I cannot take it from her, hide it for her or deal with it for her. I guess I can coach her and maybe get her to talk about her daddy. Something petty like, “My daddy can cook better than your mommy.”

Seriously, what more truth can be stated than what she has already declared, “My mommy is in heaven with Jesus.” Oh that she could understand what she is indeed saying. Mommy is wrapped in light, consumed by our Lord, perfectly happy and complete, more alive than ever. But, she doesn’t and many times I don’t get it either– I let my selfishness and what she meant to me get in the way of what she is experiencing right now. I wish I could take this from Linen. The feelings of unfairness that have passed in me arise again when I think about this. I don’t want them though- it only takes a drive downtown or flashes of India and Afghanistan to squash the hollow arrogance of my right to Fairness. I guess it is just being a parent and realizing that your child has to fight a battle at such an early age. I know it will only make her stronger, and one day maybe even a blessing to someone else.

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