I fight the fool within…

March 17, 2009

I fight the fool within, he who claims that he understands-Always analyzing, never living. Judging, never accepting. Experiences have made him right, have made him strong. He has gained my ear, my closest advisor. But, I know that I am small, and that which I understand is nothing. My world is flat. He protects me and guides me; and in that, I must endure being closed and cynical. I am exhausted by it. I am ready to live outside of my foolish wisdom and be exposed, raw, open, accepting, and failing, fallen and weak. I am these and more already, but his “understanding” allows me to pretend it is not so. I am foolish, and that I comprehend. I relent. “But, haven’t I been right?” he charmingly proposes. I pretend not to listen. He smiles and waits for tomorrow when he knows I will acknowledge him again. He invites me, “Let’s just talk it out.” “Who else will listen?” “Who knows you like I do?” “Who understands you better than me?”

‘If I need you, what does that say about your existence?’ He smiles knowing that he has suckered me into another question, asking for an answer, right where he wants me. I will fight until I am no longer hampered by him. Will he ever be silent? I fear that, for I know if he is; then, I am laying face down in the ring. I can only fight one day at a time, winning more rounds than he. He knows all my tricks and I know his. He has passivity in his corner. I must fight with diligence. Today I will.

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