What is it like?

December 4, 2008

What was it like? Did you see Christ immediately? Did He take your hand? Did you look back…? ‘down’? Why would you? Could you hear me whisper in your ear? I told you that you were gonna make it. Forgive me… but I always believed that you were going to get better. I remember crumpling into that wall on the top floor of that sad building. Meanwhile, you were flying… eyes closed, taking the deepest, cleanest breath of air that you have ever breathed. You were made complete and perfect and the realization of that must have been unquestionably gripping. Meanwhile, the grip of my questions had only begun to squeeze. I remember sitting in that room with some of your family and I felt dizzy, like I had been hit by something hard, in the head and in the stomach. I felt like blacking out and it was hard to breathe. How could I go on? How could He take you away? Why did your body stop working? 28, nutty about health, coached others on their health. How could this be? How could I go back home? How will Linen survive without you? How will I? Why not me? Did I love you too much? Did I do something wrong? The questions were and are paralyzing. Meanwhile, your serenity and fullness and peace and understanding were and are what no words in any language can describe. When you left, you took all color with you. Now I can see this life for what it really is, a shadow of what life was intended to be. You were born and I was reminded of how lifeless I am. I envy you. I miss you. What is it like?

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