Just Another Day

November 27, 2008

Just another day for me to miss you and try to make it without you. Another day to wonder what we’d be doing if you were here. I wouldn’t be here, alone, on this cold black bench. You always loved the holidays and you had finally suppressed my inner scrooge. I’m sure it had something to do with my collection of holiday experiences and my awkward family structure and the resulting consequences of keeping everyone happy, which you know is not priority number one or even one hundred for me. Your family, on the other hand… I loved being around during the holidays. Through all their communication issues (I’m sure it bothered me more than it bothered you), they were and are easy and laid back. It was like another planet to me. The language of living in the moment was both attractively foreign and frustrating. It only made me uncomfortable because there was no plan. Now, I know that plans always fail. I loved waking up at your parent’s house and seeing you experience a bit role conflict. You didn’t even realize or care and that’s what made you so good at it.

You loved the holidays and all the excitement. We are supposed to be experiencing that right now. Instead, it’s another day without you. I am thankful to have known and loved you and be loved by you. Without that, I would not be thankful for the air in my lungs. I am thankful that you gave me Linen and without her I would have no air left to breathe. So, it’s just another day to miss you and try to make it without you.

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